2022-11-23
i'd like to have a smaller dick
i know, i know, it sounds weird to hear a penis-haver say that they wish for a smaller one. but here i am, hi! 👋
penises and balls are very strongly associated with masculinity. all those sayings like “be a man! grow some balls!”, “big dick energy”, the whole obsession with dick sizes and the misconceptions that bigger cock = better sex, the misogyny and homophobia visible in treating people differently depending on whether they are (perceived to be) the ones fucking or the ones getting fucked… even the very fact that a common euphemism for a dick is “one's manhood”. in many people's minds there's this transphobic assumption that dick = man.
well, i have a dick, but i'm not a man. my dick is not my manhood, it's just a dick 🤷
why?
it's not a massive schlong, but it's big enough to make people say “it's a shame you're not a top with a cock like that” 😅 which of course is meant as a compliment, but to me it sounds like, by the virtue of simply having the body that i have, i'm setting expectations that i can't deliver on. i'm a happy bottom. i'll try to pleasure you in a thousand ways, but (unless i'm in a really specific mood) penetration won't be one of them 🤷
but of course it's not about how i'm perceived by other people. i know that ultimately all of those thoughts in my head are just a reflection of my own image of self. i know i'm not a man and i know that my dick simply doesn't reflect it the way i'd want it to. which is not to say i subscribe to the notion that genitals determine gender, of course – i'll see a trans woman as a 100% woman even if she has the biggest, hardest cock i've ever seen – but when i look down on my penis, it just doesn't look mine…
so… what would?
although it's super hot to phantasise about it sometimes, i don't actually see myself with a vagina & vulva… some agender people decide to undergo orchiectomy and penectomy, seeing lack of genitals as a fitting representation of their lack of gender. but that's not how i see it personally. plus: i looove rubbing my clit. removing it would severely limit my masturbation options 😅
what would seem perfect to me is a micropenis, probably with very tiny or no balls. there could be just the cock head and nothing else under my belly. like an overgrown clit.
yes, that probably feels like me.
trying to visualise
so i took this picture of my flaccid dick with its foreskin retracted (because it will get removed soon):
and then i used my (questionable) GIMP skills to imagine what would it look like if it was around half its size:
not bad! 😍 seeing it like that really makes me feel that that's what i want, and probably more (well, less).
how to get there?
well, the internet is full of anecdotal evidence of penises shrinking from long-term chastity. basically, when erections are prevented for a long while, atrophy starts. the effects seem to differ drastically from person to person, from barely any to few cm shrinkage in just two months. but they all agree that it's not permanent, after a few days from letting the bird out of the cage all goes back to normal.
still… i'm planning to be a total bottom and my upcoming circumcision will definitely make long-term chastity easier to do, so i'll probably end up in a cage for long periods of time anyway. fingers crossed that it really works 🤞
people online (see for example: /r/PenisShinking) also experiment with medicine that might have the desired effect, of with trying to damage the dorsal nerve – but it seems too dangerous to me, i'll pass.
apparently, penis reduction surgery is a thing. not as popular as penis enlargement, as you might imagine, but still… yet, it's invasive, it's costly, and afaik it's not available here in the netherlands. but it's an option that i'm keeping in the back of my head.
SPH
it feels weird to be into small penis humiliation when you have an 18 cm cock, but hey, i'm a submissive, i'm into (sexual) humiliation, and at least the clit in my mind is tiny. so if we're having sex in a BDSM(-ish) setting, feel free to point out how tiny, pathetic, limp and useless my clit is 🥺