how do trans people have sex?

the short answer is: however they please.

and the long answer starts with a rant about people's obsession with penetration.

i used to think that it's very strange how movies, series, jokes and memes kept making fun of guys who “last in bed” for a very short time, maybe a minute, maybe thirty seconds, maybe just a few strokes – especially during their first time. as a virgin who could masturbate for hours, 30 seconds felt massively exaggerated. and as a person who had just had their first sex experiences – even more so. until today i've never had sex that lasted anywhere near 30 seconds.

but one day it hit me – they didn't mean 30 seconds of sex – they meant 30 seconds of penetration. they just keep using those terms interchangeably. 🤦

like, sure, i've had some instances of either penetrating or being penetrated for a pretty short time, but it's not like it didn't come with tons of licking, sucking, touching, massaging… you know, the stuff that they call “foreplay”.

but i hate that name. it's not a “foreplay” to a “real thing”. it's all sex. like, from some of those things you could get a sexually transmitted disease, but you won't even call it sex? these days i definitely have more sex that doesn't involve any penetration, than one that does. i'm in two happy relationships, and i'm a slut, but i don't actually have sex because there's usually no penis penetrating the pelvis area? yeah, no, your definition just sucks.

anyways, back to how trans people have sex. hearing that question reminds me of constantly having heard a similar one back in the day – except about gays or lesbians. usually with a fucking “but the parts don't match!” to it.

other than just homophobia, people asking that question were giving away one extra thing about themselves: that they might have a very miserable sex life. they sound like they skim over anything other than putting a penis in a vagina. like they can't imagine receiving or giving sexual pleasure from anything else. but i think by now it doesn't really surprise anyone anymore that (cis) gays can have a perfectly satisfying sex life despite no pussies being involved, as well as (cis) lesbians having great sex without a need for a penis. the “parts” do match after all. and there's other body parts. and there's toys.

genitals are not everything when it comes to sex.

so… trans people… in general, it's basically the same story, except for one nasty detail: gender dysphoria.

it hits everyone differently. just because a trans girl has a dick, doesn't mean she'll want to fuck you. it's not porn. her dick might be a source of dysphoria, and she'd rather avoid using it, touching it or thinking about it.

or she might love it. our genitals aren't our gender, after all. i dated a trans guy who didn't have bottom dysphoria and he enjoyed getting fucked by me. but on the other hand, he never for a second took his binder off, even when totally naked otherwise.

myself, i sometimes enjoy using my dick, but often i try to avoid getting it involved. chastity cage works wonders, both for the submissive part of me, focused on pleasing others, and for gender dysphoria. it lets me have sex, but not in the “manly” way.

i've recently tried a new thing. i've put on both a cage, and a strap-on. fucking a person with a dildo felt out of this world. it was masculine and emasculating at the same time. physically i couldn't feel much, of course, but mentally? my brain was getting filled with endorphines.

it's not just me. using toys is a great way to experiment with gender. every trans person with a pussy i've slept with was very much enjoying putting on a strap on and getting a blow job, imagining they have a dick.

i can't even begin to explain how amazing it feels to have gender-affirming sex like that.

so, in a nutshell, that's how trans people have sex. it's diverse. it depends. it involves lots of experimenting. there's lots of avoiding dysphoria and reaching for euphoria. it's exploration. it's beautiful.