2022-11-29
am i autosexual?
i was recently reminded of the existence of the term “autosexual” – and i realised that (at least from the name itself) it sounds… kinda like me. so i looked up some definitions; here's one from WebMD:
Autosexuality means people are more attracted to themselves than to others and may prefer masturbation to sex with a partner. It doesn’t mean that someone who is autosexual will never have sexual relationships with other people. It simply means people who are autosexual feel more sexually aroused by themselves rather than by others.
errr… i don't know?
sure, i think i'm hot. i'm into myself. if i could clone myself, i'm sure we would have an amazing time fucking. i sometimes masturbate to my own nudes. i like showing off my body.
but is there more attraction towards myself that towards others? i don't think so…
i definitely masturbate more often than i have sex – but i guess mostly for practical reasons? i don't need to look for a person to have sex with, don't need to shower or douche, we don't need to both be in the mood for sex, to both be into the same kinks and phantasies at the moment, i can just put on any porn i want, or play out any phantasy i want in my head, or just jerk off while watching myself in a mirror… it feels very liberating to just explore my sexuality without having to take anyone else's needs and wants into consideration.
which doesn't mean i don't enjoy having sex with other people, of course. i absolutely love it, in all kinds and flavours! ❤️ but i need to be in a mood for that… having an introverted mind, social interactions in general are draining my energy – even if they're also super pleasurable.
one thing i'm a bit concerned when it comes to using the label “autosexual” is that it might make me sound quite narcissistic… but does it? well, lemme check out a definition from Wikipedia:
Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive interest in one's physical appearance or image and an excessive preoccupation with one's own needs, often at the expense of others.
hmm… i'm not self-obsessed – just self-horny 😏
this blog might not show it well, after all it's literally a blog about my body and my sex life, but believe it or not my life has way more to it than just sex 😂 my “autosexuality” doesn't negatively affect my work, passions, hobbies, romantic relationships, sex life, etc., i'm not “preoccupied with my own needs at the expense of others”. yay, not a narcissist 😅
so… do i wanna use that label? i think i do. even though it doesn't describe me perfectly, because i wouldn't say i'm attracted to myself more than to others – they're such different types of attractions that i can't compare them. but i still think, it's close enough.
human attraction is complex. and labels are just words that attempt to describe it in a concise way. their definitions are useful, but they aren't strict and set in stone. i'm not attracted to myself more than to other, just differently – but strongly enough to use a special word for that.
and i also think it's very important to love ourselves, to cherish and celebrate that love, and to normalise masturbation and self-attraction as valid and beautiful ways to fulfil one's sexuality.
so i'll proudly start calling myself autosexual ❤️